Relationships
Money cannot buy love but communication skills will get most of your needs met in a relationship. Without communication, all we have is people existing in suffering over time. Suffering individuals existing together will cause others to suffer consciously and unconsciously. Men, communication leads to intimacy, and intimacy leads to our human needs being met through a couple and other relationships. This is sometimes not achieved without pain and suffering. Too much suffering can be as bad too much compassion too. Communication is not a one-way process and has to be reciprocal. Communication takes at least two individuals, one to send the message, the other to receive the message. We are also communicating with ourselves, and our internal self-talk is crucial to our external communication. We must be willing to feel and recognise our powerlessness in learning to be and become a man. The opposite of pride is a shame and the middle ground between shame and pride is humility.
Hear this, false pride or power will fade or make you mad. Becoming empowered and empowering with compassionate communication, and speaking positively and assertively into relationships, will reduce suffering in the long term. Be not afraid of the images of castration and isolation of the past that might come to mind when we are challenged to have a voice and think we cant find one. If you are not colluding and is accepting responsibility while holding a positive and assertive empowering position with love, you will be fine in the long term. That is the reason why we need to learn the skills of communication. What if the response to our being compassionate is a response to fear and an internalised past that our partners have experienced when we were not safe? Images of the past are proven to evoke fear to balance the perception of power and powerlessness that has terminated and has stayed resided in our consciousness.
Compassionately holding our loved others while lovingly expressing ourselves, will result in the fear fading. Then we can achieve an example that others can follow, respect, model and remodel. Part of being and becoming a man is to become a model that communicates the ability to respond to and teach our children “response-ability.” There is a conversation that has been going around for a long time, that good model of men are scarce. When one is found the discovery comes as a surprise, and it hard to believe one has arrived. A man of compassion is a good one? Poor communication and lack of compassion is often a contributing factor to infidelity, disconnection and resentment and suffering. Without talking and listening there can be no lasting connection or intimacy. Compassionate communication leads to the satisfaction that is required to meet the needs of our relationships and produce consistent peace.
Men must hold the rule that they must stay inside or outside of relationship if its safe to do so, to learn how to listen and do relationships differently. It is vital to have a lasting relationship to learn to be kind, communicate effectively and make his visible contribution through compassionate talk if they are not already doing so. If men communicate positively and assertively than we strengthen our backbone and can share responsibilities with our partners, families and we can support the burdens of suffering experienced in our daily realities.
Loving compassionate communication is priceless, and a necessity for a soul of a man young or old. If for no other reason is the fact it is soothing and that is a human right in a safe society. This cannot be replaced with money or in exchange for just a pound of flesh. Saying that money and communication enhance wellbeing. If you don’t believe ask those before us who suffered the safe fate of coldness and criticism in place of compassionate communication consistently. Money and flesh help in the short-term, long-term it worsens consistency without intimacy.
It must be clear that some persons are bullies, some are bullied, some fluctuate between being the bully and being bullied to achieve balance without realising no form of abuse is acceptable. Some might be seen to hold an assertive position most based on our estimations, the truth is we know no different and think if it’s not rough it’s not right. We accept the abnormal as normal or normalise cruelty. A good example is seen in the observation of adults men who were never fathered or communicated positively. These persons trembling spiritually, emotionally and physically from a voice that does not exude compassion constantly and is not soothing. Adults in a couple of relationships, family and community, depends on the communication to take them to the level of intimacy they seek to be safe to trust and gain the ability to problem solve the issues of the community.