True Self-Compassion vs A Hostile Mind
“Go quietly amidst the noise and haste and see what lies lie in silence and accept the rest as possible truths.”
It is often said that ignorance is bliss, but not in the case of not knowing or encountering self-compassion or compassion from our environment. When it comes to self-compassion not encountering this amazing phenomenon can be painful. It can be equally as painful too discovering this beautiful thing and seeing the consequences of its deficits. Yes, it’s useful to make it a thing. Doing so makes it easier to keep it as a part of our objective world. In so doing it can be accessed as easily as it is to access a tablet or a pill to ease our subjective pain and suffering. For example, meeting our hostile voice, our hostile thoughts, or just recognising them with a new consciousness can be quite distressing and can cause us short term or long term distress., depending on our consciousness and response. The length of the distress is determined by how soon we can access our own compassion and or a healthy dosage of compassion from others to soothe the turmoil.
Don’t be fooled, the opposite of compassion is not just self or other criticism, as was expressed in previous blogs. The opposite of compassion is hostility, its brutality, its cruelty, intentional neglect, intentionally withholding or failing to meet a human need to cause pain and suffering and distress. It is as simple as even not giving or withholding feedback. It is said that the use of the English is the most brutal of all the languages so it can be giving feedback too. The deficits in human compassion is a public health problem that comes at a cost to family systems, groups, community organisations, government systems and society. Its absence results in serious mental health problem s of different sorts, such as depression and anxiety especially social anxiety. It can be as cruel as bullying. Lack of self-compassion does not discriminate, it comes from hostile thoughts and hostile behaviours that displaces peaceful feelings and experiences and turmoil within. It displaces our Peace i.e- our sense of purpose enjoyment, achievement, closeness, connection, community and compassion. When criticism and cruelty are internalised it can be seen in behaviours such as the shattering we see in our men consciousness and communities. Shattered self-consciousness, families, shattered children and stabbings are a consequence of absent compassion. These breakages stem from the absence of an internal voice of reasoning that says “be kind when our minds are not right.” There are no limits to the perpetuating of suffering due to the lack of compassion, it is global. To prove this concept inaccurate, observe for yourself, feel for yourself and see where your suffering lie as we stand true in our manhood. We might see a lack of feedback or a lack of honest communication informed by a hostile mind causing suffering. In one word it can be a “mindless” experience that is normalised. A set of unhealthy ignorant actions as oppose to “mindful” actions. It is mindless actions done with say, volatility and impulsivity. Just to be fair it can be done consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally, overtly or covertly and was never our true nature.
What is written here is from a lifetime of experience and study of the deficit in self and other compassion and reflection on the journey to becoming man and recovering what it means to be human with compassion. It is answering the question, “where will we run to on the days when we are exposed to our suffering from a hostile mind in addition to the other hostilities we face as men, without externalising this hostility towards ourselves, others and our community ?” The answer is, we must be able to run back to ourselves, others and or our most compassionate source, the breath of life. As men, we cannot always without judgement and criticism that we are weak and not “man up enough.” If the voice we hear when we go back to ourselves or our go-to is hostile, we know we are in trouble, then we have to seek a greater source. Only God will save us. We will realise then, that, when we listen, our exposure has activated a bunch of hostile and noisy voices in our minds. Attempting to drive us mad and feel confused and unsafe.
We now need to go in meditation, not a medication to achieve habituation of compassion and find a kind voice to positively assert our manhood. In meditation can evade the noises and voices that we have groomed and have groomed us to distractions delusions, fantasies and self-betrayal other betrayal and manipulation without being aware we are being manipulated. Lack of compassion and manipulation walk hand in hand and you can’t see one without the other. Personally, the most recent discovery of compassion and what that means happened as a result coming face to face with my sufferings while meditating. I have since started to observe my suffering and that of others and is still learning to accept and appreciate the benefits of suffering for a purpose. Acknowledging and accepting the suffering is part of the process of moving to maturity and manhood. The solution since then is to release the excess suffering to a source greater the just “I”. The clear seeing of and acknowledging the suffering and hostility that is encountered and the ability to still endure the more healing that is experienced. The more resilience that is noticed, the more I can help others to heal and accept suffering in a global sense. To heal we have to suffer, there is no healing without suffering and no suffering without healing.
Internalising compassion and observing its benefit in treating our own suffering actually exposed me eventually to my own lack of self-compassionate substance and integrity. I realised that I was suffering more than was realised in some aspects and not as much in areas thought to be not as well. Hostility to self and others is not something that can be hidden by turning a blind eye or pretending that there is suffering. This minimising, denying, dismissing and normalising what is actually not acceptable with a smile.
The is great suffering that I have come upon, that is giving compassion without compassion not knowing there was none. We cannot give away what we don’t have, so as men we must get it as our women, children and community need it especially our sons. Men do know compassion it’s the males and the boys who struggle. There is real subtle hostility that is experienced by those receiving from those offer soothing from emptiness and a lack of awareness that there is no compassion coming from the compassion source. He who feels it knows and we can’t know until it happens to us and we realise it is happening and is not normal. Separating our suffering from the sufferings of others, exposed our dependency on others to soothe us. Without an awareness of self-compassion, men cannot achieve independence and will act like a leech depending on others to do for them what they can do for themselves too and will not achieve interdependence. In this state, he becomes putty to the manipulators of life eating away at their energies and values to be devalued and no good to himself, others or the community her serves. He is a mere shell with a shattered mind and consciousness on a depressed spirit.
Men, imagine if, with awareness, you bought a compassion-ship with the little savings of compassion you have left for yourself. Maybe the right thought is “that you have managed to save some compassion since because we have found its value. We name the ship “The SS Compassion Black Rock”. It is a compassionate relationship with ourselves especially and others, not a rescue ship. Its a ship of resources, responsibility, vulnerability. It steams positively and assertively along the seas of life at God’s speed. It is not allowing passive-aggressiveness, rescuing with victim mentality on board. Just resilience, responsibility and resourcefulness. No drama is on board just healing as there is not an invitation or space for a hostile mind on a mindful the more journey. The ship is retrofitted with compassion renewable resources for creating positive renewable energy or e-motions, with back-ups from other compassionate souls, just in case we run low on compassion if you see what I mean. Imagine, this has resulted in a greater sense of closeness, enjoyment, purpose, pleasure and peace just being o the ride. Remember smooth seas never made a good sailor. You have to suffer to sail and soothe to heal.
Close your eyes and pretend the journey is even more beautiful after a period of meditation, with a mind full of positive thoughts and images of healing and an absence of hostility of any kind. Imagine peace. As Dr Martin Luther King said, “we might have come on different ships but we are on the same boat now.” Notice similar and is suffering is the same, being human is the same, compassion is different. Being real come to recognise that it’s what our ancestors experienced irrespective of origin or specific traits, suffering and hostility is a global thing and is overt and covert.
Now, imagine a body without distress, a mind with compassion and global peace.
Planting the seeds of compassion – to reap the clear seeing of and the need for alleviating human suffering.